If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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