Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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