FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
