Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
