Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
