you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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