sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
