Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
