Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
