At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Randomize
