I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Randomize
