I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
