you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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