using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Randomize
