OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
