what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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