Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Randomize
