Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
