I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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