I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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