We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
