So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
