I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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