i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
