I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
