theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
