Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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