shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
