this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Let the clothes fall where they may.
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