I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
