will power is for people who don't want to get laid
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
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