i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
