Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
