i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
