If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
