doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
