I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
