i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
