pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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