brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
