worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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