i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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