capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
