1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
