you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
