My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Randomize
