i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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