We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.�
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Randomize
