My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
