when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
