just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
