Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize